It doesn’t matter which star sold the lines, or that they were said last year. We’ve heard them all before. Seasoned moms aren’t buying it, but teenagers might be. We love to see you at your best and healthiest, celebrity-sisters, but if you’re going to talk about your fitness, at least be honest about personal trainers, home gyms, and a drastic slash in carbohydrate intake.
1. “I don’t deprive myself of things I want.” You don’t? I do: handcut fries, white queso dip, fried jalapeños. Of course you deprive. Otherwise, your waist wouldn’t be so very, very tiny. Tell us what you eat: a grapefruit for breakfast, maybe an egg for lunch. That would make sense.
2. “I just keep up with my kids.” So do I. So do millions of other moms. Without a nanny or a housekeeper or a personal assistant. Running, yelling, dirt-hill-climbing, stick-fighting, princess-playing, Lego-building kids. My lower tummy feels like a wad of dough, and my thighs still need just the right denim wash to camouflage their buoyancy. If just keeping up with the kids was all it took to look that svelte – or starved – moms everywhere would be shopping for junior-sized clothing. As it turns out, we’re not.
3. “I really have no idea how I keep losing weight.” So said one celebrity, according to US Weekly. Yeah, okay. Take it from me, girl. You should know your body better than that. Unexplained weight-loss? Go see your doctor, or stop lying to your fans. Young girls are reading. And watching.
4. “It’s just daily small steps.” Mmm. Daily small steps amounts to good, healthy weight loss over time. Drastic weight loss in a couple of months, resulting size 0 clothes hanging off a skeletal body is likely the result of something drastic. And unhealthy.
Hello! I'm Rhonda. Welcome to Captain Mom.®
The house is full of boys, the life is rural, and the pilot life schedule is always up in the air...
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