Turning New Year resolutions around, right back at ya.


1. All Companies Everywhere

Resolve to get your customer service, especially the telephone customer service, in order.


Consumers are dead sick and tired of all the transfers here, transfers there, never getting to stick with the same person and having our 23-digit “reference” number (which we all know to be fake and would win the award for Most Secure Password Ever Created) and your “name” (also fake) lost in the grand shuffle of what is a deliberate pool of confusion and chaos to discourage us from ever calling you in the first place.

I’ve read several times that the companies with the best customer service have allowed their employees great liberty to address and handle customer complaints without having to follow a %$^@! script.

Take a lesson from these companies with good telephone customer service: Zappos, GoDaddy.

Take a lesson from these companies with great in-person customer service: Whole Foods, Kum & Go.

2. Tailgaters in Traffic

Resolve to stop riding the bumper of my car. 

Look, I don’t like the low speed limits on back roads, either. Zooming around, Baby Driver-style, revving my engine and racing down long, straight stretches of open road would be such an adventure. But hey, I don’t make the speed limit.

Also, my children are precious cargo.

Also precious: my own life and the LIVES AND WELL-BEING OF ALL OTHER DRIVERS. I’m not a granny. I get up and go on green lights and I move through traffic quite well and I don’t hang out in the left lane on the interstate. But I’m not speeding up for you.

Take a lesson from: people who leave the house a bit early so as not to be so pressed and stressed on city streets. Take a lesson from those who keep up with traffic while at the same time not being so angry that they must feel the need to try and push everyone around, recklessly weaving in and out of traffic only to arrive at a destination three seconds faster. Put on some music. Talk to yourself. Or, hey, pass me. Because half the time my bumper is getting ridden is when there’s a PASSING LANE ON THE LEFT.


3. Dog Owners

Resolve to keep your dog on a leash, or within control on your property.

I’m not talking about the pet owners whose dogs accidentally get loose (unless, ahem, it happens daily). I’m talking about the people who feel like it’s perfectly find to let their dogs regularly wander the neighborhoods, messing up everyone else’s yard, running and jumping on bikers and walkers. I’m talking about people who say, “my dog doesn’t bite” which is kind of like saying “my kid obeys everything I tell him to do.”

My kid is a kid. He sometimes disobeys. Your dog is an animal. Animals sometimes bite.

What resolutions would you like to make for other people?

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